Dark Thoughts
by anavihs
Summary: Ron's ruminations, after abandoning Harry and Hermione, during his stay at Shell Cottage.


**This was done for the fic exchange on harrypotterficprompts. It was really difficult to me and I hope that my partner will understand if it sucks! I'M NOT GOOD WITH ANGST! Sorry...**

* * *

Ron cradled his head in his hands, wishing the images that were playing through them would go away. Leave him be. All he could think of were Harry and Hermione. He missed his friends more than he could have ever imagined. His mind was clouded with thoughts of either of them hurt, lying on the ground, bleeding, begging him to return. He listened without really paying attention, to the radio as it played cheerful Christmas carols, the opposite of how he was feeling.

He had been at Shell Cottage for so many weeks he couldn't even recall when he had arrived. His brother had greeted him at the door, expecting to find Harry and Hermione behind him. When he hadn't seen them, he had immediately assumed the worst. It had been hell telling him the truth. His brother's gaze had been disappointed and disapproving, two things he had never seen from Bill before.

When Fleur had arrived, Bill had wrapped his arm around her waist and merely said Ron would be staying with them. Ron was under no delusions that he hadn't eventually told her what happened. The small looks of censure that he received at times made it clear to him.

It wasn't as though he _wanted_ to stay there, but if he couldn't handle the looks from _Bill_, the most non-judgemental person he knew, then how could he take it from the rest of his family? They had counted on him. Considered him a _hero_ for going with Harry. For supporting him when he most needed it.

They didn't understand, though. They would never understand. None of them had ever been in his place. He always lived in the shadows of others. His entire family was successful in what they did. Bill had been Head Boy and was a Curse-Breaker who had lived in Egypt and had then married a bloody _Veela_. Charlie had been Quidditch Captain and studied _dragons_. Percy was a know-it-all twit, sure, but even _he_ had been Head-Boy and now he worked under the Minister of Magic himself. Fred and George were _geniuses_ and had started their own _business_. Even _Ginny_, who was younger than him,was a brilliant witch on her way to greatness.

What was Ron? He was Harry Potter's best friend. He was the little brother that got forgotten in Christmas cards. He was the last son before the beloved _daughter_ was born. He was nothing that anyone could look at and be proud of. Sure, he had been the Keeper on the Quidditch team, but when compared to Harry, who was the Seeker and _Captain_, it meant nothing.

Fleur chose that moment to knock on the door and with little more than a grumble from him, she entered.

"Happy Christmas, Ron. Breakfast eez served. Will you be joining us?"

Ron shook his head, not feeling like being in their company. Their love for each other was rather uncomfortably apparent and let him know what he was missing out on.

"I will bring you up a plate, zen," she said and he heard her leave the room, the door closing with a small click.

Ron sighed, staring at his shoes. Being here was another reminder of why he wasn't good enough. He had seen Fleur first. He knew it meant nothing. He didn't love her, but the point was, he had been there before Bill. She hadn't even so much as glanced his way. The moment she laid eyes on _Bill_, however, she had fallen head over heels for him. Being there with them was nothing more than a reminder that he wasn't good enough.

He would never be enough for Hermione either. She would have left him eventually. She would have realised that he would never live up to Harry. He didn't deserve her. Harry was _the chosen one_. Hermione was the cleverest witch of her age. They would find each other. Eventually.

His eyes narrowed, his brows furrowing as another unwanted thought popped into his head. What if they already had? He was gone now. He had left them alone. What else would a young couple do in this time of uncertainty other than seek comfort in each other. He squeezed his eyes shut, burying his head in his hands once more as an image of them together seared through his mind. _He_ had left them alone. _He_ had all but shoved her into Harry's arms. Ron sighed, calling himself ten kinds of idiots.

As he shoved the dark thoughts from his mind, his thoughts settled on Hermione. He had been distraught when he had heard her calling to him before he left. She had _begged_ him not to go. At the time, though, his temper had had the better of him. He had been _furious_ that she would choose Harry of him. He already knew she would. Did she have to do it so soon?

He had disapparated then and had been captured by a group of Snatchers. It took a little lying and fighting on his end, but he had eventually gotten away. After that, his mind clearing of the dismal thoughts they had been consumed with, he realised he needed to get back. If for nothing but to protect Hermione.

When he had made his way back to the riverbank, however, they had been gone. As if they hadn't even really waited. They had just left him after realising how worthless he really was. He sighed, pressing his fingers to his eyes when he heard something whispering. Confused, he glanced around quickly.

Thinking it was just the radio, he switched it off. It was making him bloody paranoid. He froze as he realised that he could still hear the voice and it was becoming louder. His hand groped in his pocket for the source of the sound and he pulled out the Deluminator. His eyes widened as he recognised Hermione's voice.

"-Remember Ron? When he broke his wand, crashing in the car? It was never..."

The voice trailed off into silence after a moment but his heart soared. It was the first time he had heard her voice since he had left. She still spoke of him? Thought of him? Maybe she still wanted to be with him? Hope, for the first time in a long time, made its way into his heart.

He flicked open the Deluminator, desperate to hear her again. Instead, all the lights in his room went out, to be replaced by a glowing bluish orb right outside his window.

His eyes narrowed, determined. He would find them again. He would apologise and win his friends back if it was the last thing he did. Resolute, he stood to pack his bags.

* * *

**Aaaand, I'm sorry if it sucked... Happy Fic Exchange? :)**


End file.
